How to ask for Help without sounding Desperate

We all go through difficult times in our life. Sometimes there’s no money for groceries, at times we don’t have enough money to pay for the rent and we find ourselves covered in debts. However it’s not always about money. Some of us have social problems, depression, are homesick, are in toxic or abusive relationships, are scared of exams and have bad time management. So how do you go about it?

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The obvious thing to do is to ask for help. Don’t wait till your back is against the wall to talk to someone. Avoid deep diving in your anxieties before taking action, because it gets harder and harder to escape from that prison. If you know me in real life, you are probably a person that has helped me already in one way or the other. It must have been emotionally, financially, socially and spiritually. Regardless of the fact that I suck at seeking help. The thing is, I make sure I communicate my issues how I know best. By writing! In what way do you feel more comfortable to request support? Find that means and I promise you, no matter what it is, as long as it makes you express your hurt, someone will understand.

Another important thing you should do is to not isolate yourself. There’s nothing worst than hurting and no one sees, because you’re hiding away from those who might reach out. Don’t get me wrong, you could take some time to retrospect but you should not isolate yourself, because the next thing is you feel lonely. And once you feel that way, you can’t even notice someone is trying to help you. I have isolated myself in the past many times and it seemed to be the best option to run away from my struggles. When I felt misunderstood, judged unfairly or wrongly. Till today, when I have financial issues and can’t focus on my studies and when I am sick, I have a tendency of wanting to be alone. Yet, I have learned to let people I trust surround me.

If you are going through hell with your friends, family, lover, work, health or studies, turn to someone you trust. It could be a specialist, a friend, a family member, your professor, your partner or a stranger. Nonetheless, do not forget that these people are human and can’t carry all your burdens for you. Though they also have issues, they find time to help you. Avoid telling them lies. Just be honest about the situation, because they can’t really help you if you don’t tell them the truth. Their role is to bring you assistance in such a way that you can bounce back. That’s why I turn to God. I believe that when my spirit is healthy, my whole body is as well.

Now, find something healthy that works for you; sports, meditation, travelling, cooking, reading or painting. It could be anything, but it shouldn’t harm you instead. And remember that all these activities will only help you to free your mind, to make you feel good for a moment. Meanwhile talking to someone will make you feel better in the long run.

Not knowing what to do or where to turn to is not a synonym of despair. To despair is to quit, to surrender, to abandon, to lose complete hope, to be discouraged, to resign. If you have already lost all hope, then you’ll not only sound desperate, but you’ll also sound helpless. The key is to keep believing that your situation can be solved no matter how bad it looks like. Turn to someone, hoping that they can help you, because if you don’t believe in yourself, at least believe in them. Especially if you really trust them with your life. A good person or a person that loves you will always try to help you.

Last term I was in a really bad financial situation and I created a fundraising campaign. I had never thought I would do something like that. Ask help from strangers by exposing my problems to the entire world. It was not easy for me to make myself vulnerable to seek help, because many people thought I was just being lazy. Some thought I was trying to finesse people. And not even once, did I regret pouring out my heart like that. It was a bold move that many don’t have the guts to make. Fortunately for me, many generous people reached out and it really helped me. So never feel ashamed of who you are and what you’re going through.

Also, the duty of a specialist is to assist you. Therefore you could find a psychologist with whom you are comfortable. However, talk and listen to them. They have had hundreds of patients over the years with similar problems like yours. Hence they will try to apply what has worked for others on you. However keeping in mind that you are a unique being, with different feelings and ways of dealing with issues. So they might give you a treatment that doesn’t work, but you should not just give up. It takes time to find a special solution for a special person. Nevertheless, if you feel like they don’t listen to you and as a result you still don’t feel understood, it is your right to find another specialist. Still, don’t forget that they are just like you and can make mistakes.

Talking about seeing a specialist, I have been searching for a gynaecologist since I arrived Germany. I have dysmenorrhea or what you call period pains and experience severe cramps pre- and during menstruation nearly every month. This has been going on since I was 12 and I have gone through depression multiple times because of that. To be honest, I have seen a lot of gynaecologists, but none of them took their time to help me. They all decided after 5 mins of diagnosis and assessment of my condition, that I needed to take hormonal birth control pills. Hear me out, I understand that they know what they’re doing, but why would they just try to get rid of you by giving you the obvious treatment or the next obvious one: pain killers? If a specialist does not want to take their time to really understand you, do like me, close that door and never turn back. It takes a lot to turn to someone and the least they can do is to really take their time.

I just want you to know that, I haven’t lost hope. Eventhough I have/ have had financial issues, health issues, family issues, issues with my studies, I can not give up. And even when I question my existence, I never stop holding on. I talk to people about how I feel and they’re here for me. One day I will find a doctor that will believe in me and I will forget how many didn’t care. That’s how optimistic I am. No disease or heartbreak or financial issue or problem is worthy of your life. You deserve better.

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