A story like many others (Toxic Relationship)

Photo credits: http://www.36ng.ng

After my last post, a friend of mine asked me if I could write her story. She says she’s fine today and wants people to know that, they can escape and live a better life.

The story is about 2 foreign students in Germany. What they went through, how one managed to quit their poisonous relationship and where they are today.

Nuru is a 26 years old Kenyan who started studying in Kaiserslautern and then Berlin, where she finished her bachelor’s degree in Electrical Engineering 2 years ago. A brave woman who left her country with a stipend to pursue her dreams of becoming one of the best engineers there. She always dreamt of bringing electricity in her small village in Thika and nothing else was more important. Her family was supportive and proud of her. The day she got her scholarship, they threw up a party and invited all the village. Her parents were not rich, so it was more about dancing and giving her all the blessings and protection for her upcoming life.

After passing her German language exam, she was eligible to start her studies. This was the first big achievement in Germany. She was such a sweet person and got along with so many people from different countries. However she always hanged out with her fellow Kenyans who could understand her struggle best. She became friends with a guy called Feye, which means the beginning. And this is where the story really starts.

He was a tall good looking man who also happened to come from Thika. They fell in love quite rapidly and started dating during their 1st semester. A passionate romance which quickly turned into a nightmare. Feye began to skip lectures and hide from Nuru. She was really worried, because she knew him as a serious person who had great plans for a his future. How could he not attend lectures, what for? Maybe learning at home ? They talked everyday on the phone but didn’t see each other. He didn’t want videocalls. She never asked him what he was doing, because she expected him to say something. He was so distant and it really hurt her. He always asked her to lend him some money, which she did without hesitating. He said he really needed it and she loved him so much she gave him part of her scholarship every month.

This handicapped her so much, because she couldn’t pay all her bills and help her parents like She usually did. She could not focus anymore, meanwhile her exams were approaching. She asked some of their friends if they knew where he was and what he was doing, but they always said, <<Don’t worry, he’s fine.>>. Therefore, she decided to go to his place after lectures one day.

It was a mildly cold Thursday in spring. Birds were singing and the sky was blue. She waited for someone to enter the building in order to follow them inside. She walked to his room and knocked at the door gently. Nobody answered so she knocked at the door of the nearest room. His Tunisian flatmate opened the door and she asked him if he had seen Feye around. << Yea, he came back lastnight and hasn’t left his room today. I heard him talk on the phone 2h ago.>>, he said smiling.

Was he sure about that? Because she had been knocking for minutes. Then she tried to call him and he answered the phone. She asked him where he was and he said he was doing his groceries, but she was hearing his voice. He was in his room and didn’t know she was in front of his door. It broke her and she left crying. Why was he lying to her? What was he hiding? So many questions that became her main focus. She had an exam due in 2 weeks, but wasn’t ready at all. All she was thinking about was to find out what was happening to him. Thus, she went back to his place on a saturday afternoon and waited all day to see him come in or out of the building. He left his room about an hour later and she followed him cautiously as he walked for almost half a mile. He arrived at a bar and stayed there till midnight after which he left drunk. She was watching him from afar extremely shocked by what she was seeing. Feye drinking all his life out like someone who has nothing to loose. He couldn’t walk alone, so she ran to help him. She didn’t care that he would know she had been following him. He was drunk anyways. She tried to hold him and put his arm over her shoulder, but he pushed her away. She fell on the sidewalks and he continued walking.

I can’t find the words to explain how she felt. It was heart breaking and she didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Her exams came up and she wrote none. Somehow, her relationship with Feye had become the most important thing to her at that point of her life. She went through a series of mental breakdowns and stopped caring about any thing. She didn’t call home anymore, she cut contact with the other Kenyans and fell into a very deep depression.

Her mum called the university to find out what was happening to her. They told her she didn’t write any exam that semester. She begged them to try to find her. Therefore they investigated by questioning the other Kenyans who told them Feye had also been missing lectures and that they could probably be together. The university then sent both of them letters threatening to send them back to Kenya if they didn’t focus on their degree.

A friend of both Nuru and Feye went to visit her. She was not leaving her building anymore and had a flatmate do her groceries from time to time. He saw her and could not believe his eyes. She looked horrific and he decided it was enough. He told her what was going on with Feye. He said Feye owed someone a lot of money because he had started betting on football games with his stipend. He got addicted and burrowed money from this guy which he all lost. And that the guy was threatening to hurt him if he didn’t find the money.

She collapsed in his arms and he took her to the hospital where she was interned. He called her parents who urged the university to let her come back home. They talked with her and she agreed it was a good idea. She was ready to quit and give up on all her dreams. Parallely, they found Feye and he started seeing a psychologist weekly.

Two months passed and Nuru was happy to be with her family. But she could not spend a day without thinking about her studies and the goals she once had. Her mum who saw her pain asked her if she wanted to go back. She hesitated but finally told her mum she still wishes to be an engineer. Sadly she had ruined her only opportunity to study in Germany with financial support from her country. So, her father called a cousin who had a cousin that worked at the ministry of education in Kenya. And after a long fight they gladly renewed her scholarship for another university in another town. There she finished her bachelor’s degree and later found a job back home. She was appointed by a German company who wanted to build electricity plants in Kenya.

Feye finally graduated 1 year after her and reached out to apologise. She had blocked him everywhere, so he sent her an email. She responded and told him she didn’t hate him anymore and that she was happy for him. However she decided it was better to not talk to each other ever again.

Nuru hasn’t found love since then, but considers herself the love of her life. She lives a very successful life and she is surrounded by people she loves. She’s so thankful to every person that helped her during those hard times. She believes she was really lucky and wishes many people in her case also receive support to become more emotionally stable.

Nuru or Feye could be you. Will you do something about it?

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